I hate that we’re all so programmed with gender roles and internalized crap that we can’t even watch a movie. It’s absurd.

And I hate hate hate that if I ask a guy friend I’ve known for years to do something, at least half the time someone – him, his friends, some other woman – will assume it’s either a proposition or permission.

If I want to have sex with someone, I say so. If I don’t, I don’t – and if they ask me, I say no. If I say movie, I mean movie.

It’s especially frustrating for me because in the periods when I’m single – on purpose, like you said, and not wanting to be with anyone – I still want a social life. But men get nervous about what they think I might want or assume I want them when I don’t, women flip out if their husbands or lovers even talk to me, all this stuff of sexism and sex roles gets in the way of simple human friendliness. It’s tiresome, and a pet peeve of mine (obviously).

Honestly, a lot of the time I just avoid the issue, but I don’t like that either.

I have this utopian ideal that people could just hang out, and if attraction became an issue, deal with it honestly and without a lot of bullshit, but never assume that’s what hanging out is about.

Really, this worked when I was a teenager – this is what my whole posse did. But when we got into our adult lives, everyone got rigid and paranoid about roles and who can talk to who alone when under what circumstances and what that might MEAN. Feh. I think we had it right when we were kids.